Moo on marriage.

"If all you had to do to commit yourself was to bake a cake, a whole lot of cakes would be baked."

What you say after a Michigan Game...

"We beat those cocksuckers!!"

The Facts of Life

"Life is a psychological, emotional, and egotistical circle-jerk."

Irish

"I'm not Italian, I'm Irish. I don't drink wine. I like beer!

... and mixed drinks!"

Rant

(at the end of an extensive tirade)

You want to hear another rant I got?!?!?!?

Harry Potter Opinions

Ugh, that last book should have been called "Harry Potter Goes Fucking Camping."

I had better never meet J.K. Rowling, because I would take my stinkiest shoes, the ones I do yardwork in, and fill them with Limburger cheese, and throw them at her head!